Should An Engagement Ring Be A Complete Surprise?

Contemplating an engagement is a tremendous onus of responsibility. Sure, there was once a time where a couple met only a handful of times before a formal proposal was made, hopefully accepted and announced. For those who could afford a precious jewel set in a ring, it represented a kind of signature to a contract, indicating that a woman has agreed to enter into the state of matrimony. Consider that in some cultures the engagement ring was the first step to ownership; it was never considered necessary that a bride have any say in what her engagement ring should be. In fact, in Ancient Rome, a bride had two rings, one of gold to wear in public, and one in iron to wear whilst she did housework. 

 Image by Shaun Anyi via Flickr

While historically, a woman may have had no role and was given no choice for her engagement ring, time and tide have changed the way couples became betrothed.  In today’s world, a woman can go so far as to design and buy her own ring, although that is still not the norm. Some women just like being surprised. 

Ultimately, how an engagement ring is selected has more to do with the relationship of the couple than it does with tradition. Of course, finances play a role and both parties, whether directly involved or not, will want to find the best quality jewellery. It’s not just wise; it’s common sense to seek out a reputable jeweller. Click here for more updates.

But back to the issue of the couple’s relationship, and how it corresponds to the selection of an engagement ring. For couples who have been together for awhile, it’s unlikely that either has not thought of marriage, since it’s the logical step to falling in love and beginning to create a life together. It’s also likely that the issue of getting married, or at least getting engaged has been broached by either of the partners, or by nosy friends or family. 

Tradition itself is strongly tied to engagements – many men will still approach his girlfriend’s father, parents or guardians to let them know of his plans beforehand. There are still many women who welcome the rush of a surprise, and the stories that will ensue post-engagement. But, it may surprise you that in a poll conducted by the wedding site The Knot, some 65% of couples shop for the engagement ring together. 

By shopping with your fiancé (whether it is to explore what she likes or to actually purchase)

• she can choose or let you know exactly what she likes

• it alleviates pressure and stress

• represents the first (or one of, and certainly the first big symbolic) major purchase together

Alternately, having her shop with you for her engagement ring can mean:

• The process will not be very romantic. This means there will be no moment of surprise and magic or an oft-told and prepared story to share with friends and family.

• If you have a budget or would prefer that she won’t know how much you’ve spent, those plans are gone. Because you love and want to please her and have asked her to choose what she likes, you run the risk of going over your perceived budget. 

• Speaking of budget, clearly money will be a topic during the process, and that is oh, so not romantic. She may feel you’re spending too much, which could lead to her feeling guilty, or that you’re not spending enough and make her feel not quite worthy (even if she doesn’t share this fear with you). 

Once you’re engaged, though, you can shop together for durable wedding bands for women, since there’s no stigma attached to that, and for many women, the band’s comfort potential is fairly important, since, conceivably, the wedding band is what she’ll be wearing daily.

If you’re ready to marry, you should know your fiancé well enough to know if it’s the right – or wrong – decision to ask her to join you in selecting a ring, whether it be a just-to-see-what-she-likes venture or the real deal. 

This article was contributed by Mediabuzzer